All Good Things Must End, My Friend

'A MATTER OF LAUGH OR DEATH' -- Good-bye, ol' newspaper pals.

The Republican American newspaper in Waterbury, CT, was recently sold to a large media conglomerate. The Rep-Am printed my weekly humor column for almost 24 years, which works out to over 1,200 different essays. No one has contacted me from the new owners, and they have not published my column for six straight weeks. Mama Dunn did not raise a dummy, and I’ve done the math: No column printed for six weeks – plus – no editor requesting any new essays from me – equals – they’re probably still thinking about it.

Or maybe they have thought about it and, as high-level corporate MBAs are prone to say, they are “moving in a different direction.”

I wish the new owners well, and I hope the newspaper continues to be the voice of the Naugatuck Valley in Western Connecticut. It certainly cannot be easy to turn a profit in the newspaper business nowadays. People under the age of 45 not only do not subscribe to a newspaper, many of them have never even seen a newspaper, except maybe in a museum. The folks who still get a printed newspaper delivered to their homes each morning are not exactly spring chickens. They won’t be subscribers forever, and who is coming along to take their place?

Speaking of turning a profit, I can’t imagine that the compensation I used to receive from the newspaper for my column was a make-or-break line item on the balance sheet. To be honest, what they paid me every week was just enough to purchase a medium coffee each morning at the Dunkin drive-thru. (If I also wanted to get a donut, that came out of my pocket.)

So, I’m pretty sure dropping my column was not the key decision that is keeping the media conglomerate financially solvent. I can admit this now because it really doesn’t matter anymore: I would’ve written the column each week for free. I love the creative writing process that much, and I really enjoyed the give-and-take email conversations I had with many readers. Oh well, too late now.

Therefore, here we are, embarking on a new adventure. I am now posting content each week on the Substack online platform. Currently, I am posting a blast-from-the-past “From the Archives” essay on Sundays; a new “Merry Catholic” piece on Tuesdays; and my “A Matter of Laugh or Death” humor column on Thursdays.

Since I started posting essays on Substack last year — long before we heard that the local newspaper was going to be sold — an interesting thing occurred. People who saw only my humor column in the paper for many years became aware of my Merry Catholic essays. They sent me notes saying, “Oh, I didn’t know you were a religious nut.”

OK, guilty as charged. But let me say this: for those who are interested only in the humor columns, just skip over the churchy stuff. Every computer has a “delete” key.

Other people, who only heard my “Merry Catholic” recordings on the Catholic radio station in Hartford, started reading my humor column. They sent me notes saying, “Oh, I didn’t know you were so frivolous and immature.”

OK, guilty as charged. But let me say this: for those who are interested only in the faith essays, just skip over the goofy stuff. Every computer has a “delete” key.

(By the way, if I hadn’t already thought up the name for my humor column, “A Matter of Laugh or Death,” I definitely would call it: “Frivolous and Immature.” What a great name!)

That reminds me: a few years ago, a reader complained that my humor column was “sophomoric.” I replied and thanked her for the compliment, but pointed out that my sense of humor never advanced beyond the 6th grade level, so it would need to stay in school for four more years to reach the level of sophomoric. (Unless she meant “sophmoronic.” Is that even a word? It should be, since it’s fairly accurate in my case.)

Anyway, I sincerely believe our stressed-out world needs some levity once in a while. And I also believe it’s possible to be a faithful follower of God while also being the occasional class clown.

I sincerely thank everyone who has made the life-changing, leap-of-faith decision to subscribe to my Substack articles. All of my essays are free right now. But when I retire from my full-time job sometime next year, I may have to switch to paid subscriptions depending on my financial situation. (It turns out using all your spare cash to buy lotto tickets is not a recommended retirement strategy.)

So, as we go forward, let’s focus on what is truly important in life: thanking God for His blessings, laughing at the silly aspects of life, and sharing my essays with EVERYONE in your email address book!

(The column “A Matter of Laugh or Death” appeared weekly for almost 24 years in the Republican-American newspaper, Waterbury, CT.)