Oh, Punctuality Is Now a Bad Thing?

'A MATTER OF LAUGH OR DEATH' -- "C'mon, we're gonna be late!"

Recently, a coworker said to me, “Do you want to leave early, like you usually do?”

First, let me explain that he was not referring to sneaking out of the office at 4:45 before the work day is officially over. I’m almost always at my desk until after 5, usually trying to finish up a project so it’s not sitting there waiting for me first thing the next morning.

My coworker and I were scheduled to do a joint lunchtime presentation at a customer’s office at noon. The day before, we reviewed the PowerPoint slides to determine who would talk about which topics. The morning of the meeting, I loaded some product samples and literature in my car. It was about 10 am when my coworker asked me, “Do you want to leave early, like you usually do?”

My first thought was, “Well, it takes about a half-hour to drive there, and we need to set up beforehand, so we should leave around 11, just to be safe.” But before I could say that, my second thought was, “Wait, what do you mean, ‘Like I usually do’?”

So, apparently what I’m known for most around the office is not wanting to be late for meetings. Really? I always thought I was most known for either 1) my scintillating wit, 2) my encyclopedic knowledge of the products we sell, or 3) being the guy who gets asked to proofread others’ memos, as if writing a weekly newspaper column retroactively turned me into an English major with good grammar skills. (Hint: items #1 and #2 are figments of my imagination, and item #3 is true, to my coworkers’ detriment.)

Over the years I’ve done enough presentations at clients’ offices to know that set-up time can take anywhere from two to 20 minutes. Every office has a different way to connect to the big screen TV in the conference room. There is nothing more stressful than a dozen people sitting impatiently around the conference table while you’re still struggling to get your laptop computer to display properly on the big screen. (OK, well maybe there are other things in life more stressful, but I can’t think of any at the moment.)

I will admit I’m the kind of person who would rather be 20 minutes early for an event than one minute late. That’s just the way I am. A guy I used to work with often drove me nuts. He retired a few years ago, but whenever we had to attend the same meeting, he would not leave our office until a few minutes before the meeting was scheduled to begin, even if it was a 15 minute drive to the meeting site. I would pace back and forth outside his office and say, “Bobby, we really need to go — now!” (I changed his name so no one knows I’m talking about Kenny.)

Many times I would tell Bobby, “I’ll meet you there,” and leave alone in my car. Once I arrived for the meeting (early, of course), I would make excuses for Bobby’s tardiness. Then, when he finally came swooping in 15 minutes late, no one (except me) seemed to mind.

I mentioned this topic to my wife. She said, “Oh yeah, you always stand by the front door with your coat on waiting for me while I’m still getting dressed. It’s very stressful.”

Stressful? It certainly is, knowing the clock is ticking and we’re going to be late. Oh wait, she meant it’s stressful for her.

So, apparently wanting to leave early is something “I usually do.” Hmm, I prefer to describe it this way: “Wanting to be on time.”

It’s too bad everyone I know has PDD: Punctuality Deficit Disorder. And as usual, I’m submitting this column to the newspaper five days earlier than need be.

(The column “A Matter of Laugh or Death” appears each week in the Republican-American newspaper, Waterbury, CT.)

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